


Making Room

by booyahkendell



Series: To Build a Home [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Adopting, Babies, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Family Fluff, Fluff, M/M, smol and tol with baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-20
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-09 21:24:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7817857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/booyahkendell/pseuds/booyahkendell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And baby makes three.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Inspection

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by a tumblr anon who requested a continuation of my "Wait a minute. Are you jealous?" Barisi drabble. While reading that drabble isn't necessary for understanding this story on it's own, it does provide a bit of background information for the events of this story.
> 
> So much love has gone into this. Enjoy. xx

“Does my hair look alright?”

Sonny was fidgeting; Rafael really wanted to kick him in the shin, get him to calm down.

“Yes, your hair looks fine. Quit asking,” he hissed, settling for pinching Sonny’s hip instead, an act decidedly less violent and wholly unnoticeable to the mousey social worker shifting throughout their kitchen.

“Ow. I’m sorry Rafi, but we’re adopting a baby, I don’t want them to think that I’m a heathen. The agency needs to know that I’m a respectable young man,” Sonny whispered, rubbing the spot where Rafael had pinched him through the fabric of his tan slacks. He ran a hand through his hair absentmindedly in what Rafael was sure was the seventeenth time in the span of two minutes. Rafael took his unoccupied hand, gave it a reassuring squeeze.

“Shut up. You know you’re going to be an amazing dad. So do they.”

His husband didn’t appear the least bit appeased, though, as his fingers trailed down the length of his flannel button-up, nervous fingers smoothing down imagined creases, the likes of which had been ironed out just four hours prior.

Rafael couldn’t believe that, with a social worker fifteen feet away from where they stood in the living room, he was being the calm one.

That with a social worker prying into their cabinets, their pantry, their life, he was the one remaining cool and collected.

That with a social worker making her way from doorframe to doorframe, scrutinizing each, making sure that the required baby-sized fence was posted in between each one, stopping just short of pulling a tape measurer from her blazer pocket in order to ensure maximum accuracy, he was the one remaining entirely confident in how this inspection would end.

Meanwhile, Sonny looked as though he might fall over.

The social worker – Jane, he remembers her name being, maybe? – popped her head out from behind the bar top counter. “Everything looks good in here. I’ll just need to see the child’s room before I leave,” she said absentmindedly, frame of the black glasses perched atop her nose sliding forward as she tilted her head, jotted something unintelligible down on the notepad clutched in between her hands.

“Yes, of course.” Rafael stepped forward (because Sonny apparently lacked the ability to even form single syllables right now), motioning for her to follow him down the hallway, Sonny trailing at his heels.

The baby’s bedroom was directly opposite of their own, a previously scarcely-inhabited space meant for guests to stay in on the off chance that they entertained any, now converted to a home for a nine-month-old little girl.

They had decided on purple for the walls, a light lavender to be exact, because Sonny had read up on multiple, well-regarded parenting websites that a baby’s room should be painted calming tones which allowed them to fall asleep quickly, if needed.

Against the far wall was the crib, wooden and painted white, ivory sheets spread out evenly over the mattress, a purple and floral-printed blanket laying on top. Next to the head of the crib sat a worn, stuffed duck; Sonny’s own, a relic that he’d spent almost six hours trying to dig out from the depths of his parent’s attic the previous week.

It was missing a wing (the family’s golden retriever had chewed it off when Sonny was five), but Sonny only assured Rafael that the duck’s amputated limb would teach their little girl to love and adore other’s imperfections.

The remainder of the furniture was dispersed throughout the remaining corners of the room: a changing table, white as well, sat underneath the room’s singular window, a rocking chair directly beside it, while a sizable dresser that Rafael insisted was absolutely necessary (the child was going to be his daughter after all), rested against the closest wall to the door, next to a closet.

Then of course, were the many decorations he and Sonny had added once the bare bones of the room had been put together.

Whimsical photos of multicolored butterflies and owls were framed and mounted over the changing table, and a mobile hung directly above the center of the crib, tiny purple owls and even smaller pale, yellow stars dangling in uneven rows, turning softly as the ceiling fan assaulted the thin wires with unexpected puffs of air.

Rafael’s favorite part of the room, though, was the mural that he and Sonny had spent an entire Sunday painting on the wall behind the crib.

It was an image of a simple tree, something that would require a no higher artistic level than either one of them possessed.

That level, of course, being slightly above mediocre at best.

The tree was huge and took up almost the entirety of the wall beside the crib, branches snaking up and behind the piece of furniture. At the top, at the peak of each branch, they’d painted an array of variously-sized flowers, all white with purple centers. Sonny had decided to take a few artistic liberties and paint a smattering of blossoms to the right of where the actual tree ended, saying, “It’ll look like they got pulled off by the wind, Rafi!”

The only thing missing from the room was a toy box that they still hadn’t gotten around to piecing together.

The social worker – was it Jessica, maybe? – stepped inside and began her assault eagerly, heading for and opening a dresser drawer, glancing at the few outfits that Rafael had already bought.

“I’m assuming you have diapers?” she questioned, whirling around to face them.

“Oh, yeah,” Sonny, finally seeming to have found his voice, answered. He moved away from his previous post next to Rafael, bending himself almost in half as he gingerly opened the cabinet doors attached to the bottom of the changing table. “It’s all in here,” he said, gesturing, ticking off items on his bony fingers as he went. “Diapers, baby powder, wet wipes. And then we’ve got like, enough extras of this stuff for an army of babies in the hallway closet.”

Rafael face-palmed.

The social worker – no, Jennifer, that was it! – on the other hand, smiled. “I’m glad to hear it,” she replied, dutiful notepad already in hand. Her pen scratched inaudibly at the paper; it may as well have been screaming, for the way it produced a nauseating anxiety deep within the pits of Rafael’s stomach.

Once she seemed to be satisfied with her notes, she looked up at the two men, pushing the bridge of her falling glasses back up the slope of her nose with a careless shove of an index finger.

“I’ll be able to write a more in-depth report once I get back to the office. But,” she paused. “What I can tell you, is that you passed your home inspection. With flying colors, actually. You’ll be able to start meetings with your soon-to-be daughter next weekend.”

Maybe-Jennifer was still smiling, Rafael’s chest felt like it was about to burst, and Sonny, sweet and lovely Sonny, had actual tears pricking at the corners of his beaming eyes.

It was taking every ounce of self-restraint that Rafael had left in him not to walk over and crush Sonny into his arms.

“Wow,” Sonny breathed, an awed smile slowly overtaking his features. “Wow. That’s so great. Like, really great. Wow.” His smile grew wider and wider, inch by inch, until those beautiful dimples that Rafael could almost feel from where he was standing, half in-half out of the doorway, made their appearance.

Rafael wanted to kiss that smile, let his own happiness fill up Sonny’s mouth entirely and completely.

Maybe-Jennifer chuckled and flipped her notepad closed, put the chewed-up cap back on her pen, and placed both items in the leather bag at her side.

Rafael and Sonny walked her to the door, maybe-Jennifer stopping to turn around and shake their hands.

“Thank you, thank you again Ms. Mead, for everything that you’ve done,” Sonny spluttered, maybe-Jennifer’s hand still clasped firmly in his own. She laughed and removed her delicate hand politely from his grasp. “Please, call me Jennifer. And congratulations, you two. I think you’ll make great parents.” She gave them one last, soft smile before taking her exit through the door.

The moment that the doorknob clicked back into place, Rafael was gathering Sonny up in his arms, crushing him, squeezing him, his face buried deep in the warm crook of his husband’s neck.

“Shit, Rafi. We’re gonna be dads.” Sonny’s voice was choked, his words coming out in broken shards; Rafael pressed a long, hard kiss to his throat, arms winding even tighter around the stupidly, skinny torso that he adored so much.

“I’m so happy. Like, my heart hurts, I’m so happy.”

There was so much honesty in Sonny’s voice that it knocked the wind right out of Rafael’s chest.

Sonny was happy.

So happy.

So happy that his heart hurt, happy.

Sonny was happy with him.

Sonny was happy to be starting a family with him.

Sonny was happy.

Their family made Sonny happy.

“I love you,” Rafael said desperately into his neck. “I love you so much.” It was all he could think to say, the whole and absolute truth.

Hands still clutching at Sonny’s shoulder blades, he pulled back.

Tears were still threatening to spill over and down the path of his cheekbones; he blinked, rapidly, and Rafael pushed up and forward, brushing his lips across Sonny’s eyelids as they closed.

“My heart hurts too, Sonny,” he whispered, fingertips coming to find their rest on Sonny’s cheeks, the entirety of Sonny’s sweet face cupped in his rough palms. “My heart hurts because it keeps having to make room for things that it never knew existed. First you, and now our daughter.”

Rafael didn’t think he’d ever seen someone look so beautiful while crying.

He was smiling, choking out laughter, tears running hot as they made their descent, Rafael catching and wiping away each one as they landed against the tip of his thumb.

“Jesus, Rafi. I was trying so hard not to cry, too,” he said, sniffling.

Rafael grinned and pulled Sonny into his lips. Sonny’s hands flew from their perch on his lower back, ending on his wrists, sliding up until his large hands were lying flat on Rafael’s own, their fingers interlocking.

He wanted to stay like that, forever, with the soft brush of Sonny’s fingertips against his face, the feeling of Sonny’s smile in his mouth one that he’d imprinted to memory, yet always discovered new facets in each time their lips pressed together.

He wanted to stay like that, with that overwhelming tightness in his chest that signaled love, and happiness, and that he was finally getting everything he’d ever wanted and never thought he’d have, one of which was currently cradled in his arms.

But, there were other, more pressing matters to attend to.

“Have you thought about a name yet?” Rafael asked, letting go of Sonny’s lips. Sonny released his hands, letting his own trail down until they were resting on Rafael’s lower back once more, pulling him closer, the length from their chests to their hips held tightly together.

Sonny’s thumbs began rubbing slow circles against his skin as he spoke: “Yeah, I have actually.” He grinned, shyly, cheeks still a light pink from where Rafael’s thumbs had wiped away tears. “I was thinking, maybe Elisa for the first name, after your grandmother? ‘Cause I know how much she meant to you.”

There Sonny went again, forcing his heart to jostle around its contents, forcing his heart to squeeze something else into it that shouldn’t have possibly fit, but somehow, someway, there was always more room.

He supposed it was because it was Sonny-related. His heart never seemed to run out of room when it came to Sonny.

Sonny continued, apparently undeterred by his silence.

“And then, I was thinking maybe Rosalie for her middle name, since that’s my nonna’s name. That way, we both get a grandmother in there.” Sonny shrugged, thumbs never discontinuing their pattern against Rafael. “Our grandmothers were both the first people we came out to, when we were younger. So I kinda figure we really wouldn’t be here without them. So why not honor their memory in some way?”

Rafael blinked. “And you want my grandmother’s name to be the first name?” he asked.

“Yeah, why not?” Sonny’s grin lit up both his icy blue eyes and Rafael’s chest. “It’s a pretty name, perfect for our daughter.”

Too overwhelmed to do anything other than nod, Rafael just stood there while Sonny kissed his forehead, squeezed his shoulders, and finally ended their embrace.

He practically skipped to the kitchen, calling over his shoulder as he went, “I think that this calls for a celebratory dinner. What do you feel like having, Rafi?” Sonny was already at the sink, hands buried deep in steam and soapy water.

“Whatever you want,” Rafael replied, dazed, brain still fuzzy as his husband flipped on burners and pulled out an array of pots and pans from deep within their cabinets at a rapid-fire pace.

“Awesome.” Sonny set a pot down on a warming burner, turning his back to rustle through the contents of their consistently over-stocked pantry.

Rafael’s pantry had never been so full, at least not until Sonny came along.

But, Sonny always insisted they buy extra of everything when they went to the market on weekends, from boxes of pasta to cartons of eggs, “just in case”, because you “never know when you’re gonna have an unexpected group of people to feed, Rafi.”

Rafael always obliged.

Always.

Because, for him, it was always what Sonny wanted.


	2. Visit

Not even his first day walking the honored and distinguished halls of Harvard Law had made Rafael as skin-pickingly nervous as this one, single car ride did.

It was a nervous habit – albeit, a self-destructive one at that – that normally only made an appearance in the rare moments when he couldn’t quite manage a read on which way a jury was leaning.

And, apparently, the impending meeting of his daughter.

His daughter.

His and Sonny’s daughter.

The daughter that they’d raise, care for, and love; who would be intelligent, and kind, and creative, and loving, and every bit as sweet as Sonny.

It was a mantra, of sorts; if he repeated it often enough, it was bound to come true.

Sonny would tell him not to get ahead of himself, not to dwell so much on the daunting possibilities of the future, and the what-ifs, because, “We’re adopting a nine month old, Rafi. She barely even has a personality at this point”.

Still, it was a reassuring thought all the same.

It was a thought, though, that couldn’t even manage to stop him from digging into the skin near his nail beds, it seemed.

He was picking, picking and picking and picking, until the flesh framing his cuticles was red and raw from the unrelenting scrape of nails against skin.

It was a distracting habit – albeit, a painful one at that – which allowed Rafael to focus on the repetition of pain rather than the pessimistic thoughts pooling like sewage in the back of his mind.

Index finger, middle finger, ring finger, repeat.

It was a pattern as known to him as the order in which he readied himself in the morning – dress shirt first, socks last.

Rafael wasn’t nervous because he didn’t think he was cut out to be a father – Sonny had made sure to eradicate those sorts of feelings – but because he simply _was_.

How could he not be?

The initial interview with the social worker when they’d first applied to be adoptive parents, the proceeding background checks, and home inspections – those had all been child’s play, an exam Rafael knew he would pass without cracking open a single textbook.

The approval of his daughter, however?

That was BAR exam-level terrifying.

Gentle fingers grabbing at his own pulled Rafael’s vision back to the passing cityscape of towering skyscrapers and pedestrians just visible through the car’s windshield.

Sonny’s hold on his hand was firm and tender, the kind of grasp that made Rafael want to nuzzle his nose into Sonny’s neck.

As long as Sonny’s thumb was brushing softly across each of his knuckles, he knew, with every little touch, that he didn’t need to worry.

Especially when Sonny’s thumb lingered just a little longer on his wedding ring, tracing the outline before continuing its course across his hand.

“Hey, Rafi, can you talk to me or…something? You’ve got me worried over here.” Sonny’s hand was frozen now, but his eyes were restless as he searched out Rafael’s face within the stillness of a red light’s glow.

The light ticked green; Rafael still hadn’t said anything.

He just held tight to Sonny’s fingers, missing pieces of a puzzle interwoven throughout his own.

Sonny sighed, resigned to studying the pulsing traffic instead, and allowed the car to venture a few more blocks before turning right onto an adjoining street. He spun the wheel, aimed the car towards the curb, and nestled it between a bright, unsightly green Prius, and the end of a mailbox.

Sonny’s gaze followed the same path as Rafael’s, out the passenger window and across the pavement, where it finally came to rest on the cement steps leading up to the adoption agency’s entrance.

Sonny knew; he always knew.

His hand was resting just above the jut of Rafael’s right hip bone now, fingers urging him forward, closer. “Hey,” he murmured.

He tugged until Rafael’s body was angled inwards towards his, hand moving from Rafael’s waist to cup his cheek.

They were face to face now, and Rafael knew that Sonny was reading him, reading him like the pages of one of their Vonnegut novels, that he could see the transparent panic and years of self-doubt seeping their way back into the color of his cheeks and the thin lining of his lungs.

He didn’t say anything, though.

He didn’t tell Rafael to calm down, to get over it, to quit being nervous because, “She’s nine months old, Rafi. She’ll love us no matter what.”

Sonny knew; he always knew.

A whispered, “C’mere, Rafi” was all he heard before Sonny was kissing him, hard.

His lips were so strong, and so tender, and Rafael felt he could rest in the feeling of them forever.

Like he could rest in the feeling of Sonny forever.

Sonny pulled back, forehead pressed against Rafael’s, a firm hand just barely grazing the sensitive skin of his neck and cheek.

“I love you,” he said.

Rafael’s lungs filled with air.

“But can you get out of your own head for like, five seconds, Rafi? You’re gonna do great. Okay? Best dads ever, remember?”

And then Sonny smiled the kind of wide, dimply smile that made Rafael wonder how all of the goodness in the world had managed to manifest itself into one single person.

Even more so, how he had somehow managed to hold on to that person.

How he had somehow managed to marry that same person.

How he was somehow, now, about to raise a child with that same person.

His abuelita looking down on him, he often thought.

Rafael glanced up until he’d found Sonny’s soft, blue gaze. He was still smiling, warm, and infectious, and everything that Rafael needed.

“Are you ready to go meet our daughter, Rafi?” he asked.

Rafael nodded and took the hand on his cheek back into his own.

With Sonny, he would always be ready.

                                                               

\---------------------------------------------

 

He didn’t let go of Sonny’s hand the entire venture up the concrete steps and through the adoption agency doors.

He still hadn’t let go of Sonny’s hand as they stood in the nursery entrance, future awaiting their arrival on the opposite side of the room, Jennifer at their side.

“She’s over there, with one of the nurses that we keep on staff,” Jennifer said, motioning towards a play area cluttered with multicolored plastic blocks. Two women were sitting on the floor, children’s books discarded haphazardly at their feet. One bounced a baby in her lap, cooing as the child shrieked and giggled in the security of her arms.

The other sat with a little girl, slightly older than the other baby – nine months old, to be exact – handing her block after black as she stacked them, right in a row, smiling and clapping each time the ridges of a block pieced together perfectly.

Rafael knew instantly that she was Elisa.

That she was his and Sonny’s daughter.

The tiny tufts of dark hair that covered and fell down across her forehead, the unmistakable round and rosy cheeks, and the sparkling, green eyes.

The missing corner piece of the puzzle had been found.

“Is she walking yet?” Sonny inquired.

“Not quite,” Jennifer said. “She’s determined though. She’s able to pull herself up to a standing position, but she hasn’t quite gotten the hang of taking steps yet.”

Jennifer pushed her always-pesky glasses back up the bridge of her narrow nose and snuck a glance at the watch residing on her wrist. “I have a couple more things to finish up paperwork-wise. You guys are welcome to go over and play with her. The nurse should let you spend some time alone with her once you’re over there,” she finished.

The social worker ushered past them, presumably in the direction of her office; Rafael and Sonny were left with each other.

Sonny immediately latched onto Rafael’s empty hand, arranging their bodies until they were face to face. “Okay, Rafi, we got this. We’re gonna do great. Are you ready?” He was bouncing, excited energy rolling off of every inch of his gangly body as he squeezed and squeezed and squeezed Rafael’s palms.

He squeezed back, smiling softly, allowing himself the knowledge that _yes_ , he could this do this, because he had Sonny, and Sonny believed in him, and with Sonny, he could do anything; because Sonny had no doubts, Sonny just _believed_ that Rafael could be a father, that he could be loving, and nurturing, and protective in a way that he himself had never been taught.

He wasn’t sure what it was in his eyes that gave him away, but Sonny was practically beaming. “Good,” he said. “And I know that I’ve said it probably a million times over the last couple of months, but I really do believe in you. I know that you doubt yourself, but I don’t. Seriously, you have so much love to give to our little girl.”

“I love you,” Rafael answered.

Sonny knew; he always knew.

Sonny chuckled, pulled him forward by the back of the neck, long, bony fingers threading themselves into the short hairs that ended just below his ears.

His warm lips were on Rafael’s forehead next, an “I love you, too” pressed into his skin.

One hand still anchored to Rafael’s, Sonny pulled him forward until they had reached the outskirts of the play area.

The nurse residing over Elisa glanced upwards and nodded at them in greeting, standing up and brushing her hands off on her faded, denim jeans as she said, “Hi, my name’s Alice! I’m assuming you’re little Elisa’s potential adoptive parents?”

“Yeah, we are!” Sonny proclaimed, and Rafael swore that he could see his chest puffing out in pride underneath the fabric of his button-up. “My name’s Dominick, but everyone calls me Sonny. And this is my husband, Rafael.”

Alice stepped forward, bright, red curls bouncing as she embraced each of their hands. “Great! It’s a pleasure to meet you both!” she said, smiling down at Elisa who was still occupied with arranging and re-arranging the plastic blocks. “I’m actually the nurse who’s been assigned to Elisa since she arrived. Now, you are aware that she was a Baby Doe, correct?” she inquired.

They both nodded.

“So,” Alice continued, “as soon as you put in the request for a name change we started using your chosen name, Elisa, with her. It’s only been about a week, but she’s smart. She responds to it already.”

She reached down then, intercepted Elisa’s attempt at getting a taste of one of the smaller blocks.

“She does like to put things in her mouth, though,” Alice added. “Don’t you, silly girl?” Her fingers brushed across Elisa’s tummy, tickling her, earning a giggle and three-toothed smile in the process.

Rafael’s heart swelled at the sound.

It was innocent, happy, and Rafael knew, instantly, that he would do everything in his power to never have that sound leave that little girl.

“I’ll go ahead and leave you guys to it,” Alice said. She pointed towards a small alcove nestled between the entrance to the nursery and a bathroom: “I’ll be at the nurses’ station, supervising, if you need me.”

She took her leave; Elisa’s tiny head spun around as the woman, her caretaker, her security blanket, disappeared from her line of sight.

Her bottom lip quivered and Rafael could see the beginnings of shiny tears forming in her bright, emerald eyes.

Sonny immediately jumped to action, plopping down on the patterned carpeting so that he was directly across from the little girl. “Hey, hey, shh,” he cooed, hands gentle as he plucked a yellow block from the stack at Elisa’s feet. “Here, you wanna play with your blocks?”

She seemed wary, but momentarily appeased by the distraction, and grabbed the block out from between Sonny’s outstretched fingers.

“Yeah, there you go. That’s a good girl,” he said, chuckling. Sonny began pulling the remainder of the blocks apart, handing each to Elisa as she pieced them back together once again. “Come on Rafi, sit down.” Sonny patted the patch of carpet beside him, scooted over so that there was room enough for the both of them to catch little glimpses of Elisa as she worked.

Rafael observed her movement intently; the nurse was right, she _was_ smart.

At only nine months old, he could tell that the putting together of the blocks held no real challenge for her; rather, her interest was held in matching each of the colors and their various shades.

She would place an orange by a red, double back and place a pink between the two bold colors, ultimately decide against it, and then place the pink back in its original position on the end of a purple block.

“Sonny, do you see what’s she doing?” Rafael asked, elbowing him in the ribs, as if his husband were paying anything but close attention to their little girl.

“Ow. Really, Rafi? You gotta elbow me in front of the baby?”

Rafael side-eyed him, continued. “That’s entirely beside the point. She’s arranging the blocks by color and shade.”

Sonny watched more closely as Elisa placed the final block, a pale blue, in its rightful spot between a shade of navy and a purple. “Wow. You’re right. Well, she’s definitely your kid,” Sonny observed. “Her blocks look like your side of the closet.”

Rafael’s chest warmed at the thought.

Elisa sat back, hands clapping together and a giggle escaping her lips as she looked upon her achievement with glee. “Good job, Elisa!” Sonny exclaimed. He reached across the stretch of space in which the blocks laid, a tender thumb coming to rest on the top of her hand, stroking gently.

She pulled her hand out from under Sonny’s, choosing instead to grab ahold of his thumb. Then, she inched forward, crawling across the span of floor until she was practically in Sonny’s lap.

Sonny beamed and wrapped each of his wiry arms around Elisa, enveloping her entirely in his strong hold. “Yeah, Elisa. I’m your daddy,” he whispered into her hair, emotion threatening to choke the entirety of his words.

Rafael would be lying if he said he wasn’t getting a little emotional, too.

More like, a lot emotional.

Because the sight of Sonny, with their daughter in his arms, her fingers coming up to grab curiously at his nose, his cheek, and Sonny laughing and smiling, dimples full of love and happiness, made Rafael’s heart feel so very, very complete.

There was no more making room.

Even after a mere twenty minutes together, he knew that there was only Sonny and Elisa.

With Elisa’s giggles filling his ears, Sonny turned to him. “You wanna hold her, Rafi? You can play with her while I go check on the paperwork, make sure there isn’t anything left for us to fill out.” Elisa was staring at him from where her head rested on top of Sonny’s shoulder. She didn’t look afraid though, the lens of fear one Rafael had always worried a child might see him through; rather, she appeared simply curious.

He opened his arms, an invitation, and Sonny reciprocated, lifting Elisa from her perch on his lap into Rafael’s waiting hands. He timidly wrapped both arms around her, pulling her closer as Sonny stood. “I’m just gonna go over to the nurses’ station. You can do this, Rafi,” Sonny murmured into his hair. And with that, he was off, leaving Rafael to face an again distressed Elisa.

Both trusted protectors were gone.

Chin quivering, she darted her head back and forth over the tops of Rafael’s forearms in search of familiarity. He could hear the panicked whines beginning to take shape in the back of her throat, and he needed to do something, fast, because he could not, would not fail at this –

So he started to sing.

It was more like humming, at least at first.

Elisa reacted to it immediately, body stilling and eyes locking with Rafael’s at the soft sound.

Her eyes, so green and so trusting in that moment, were what made Rafael actually start to sing.

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray. You’ll never know dear how much I love you, so please don’t take my sunshine away.”

He finished, voice still low as he attempted to clamp down on the pool of emotions threatening to burst through his throat like water to a dam. Elisa was just looking at him, but her breath had slowed and she was no longer trembling beneath his touch.

Slowly, she laid her head on his shoulder.

Rafael’s heart stopped.

She trusted him.

Elisa trusted him.

His daughter trusted him.

She saw him as safety, as protection, as warmth, and hopefully one day soon, love.

A family.

It was all he’d ever wanted, and now, he had it. With Sonny, and now, with Elisa too.

Rafael kissed her hair, hugged her little body close. “Yeah. I’m your daddy, too,” he whispered. Elisa snuggled her nose still deeper into his shoulder. “I’ll never let anyone hurt you. Ever. I promise.”

When he looked up again, Sonny was crouching down at his side.

He had the happiest smile on his face, heart on display for the whole of the nursery to see as he glanced between Rafael and Elisa, still folded into Rafael’s chest.

Sonny snaked an arm behind Rafael until it was resting on the ridge between his shoulder and bicep, successfully tucking the entirety of their family into his warm embrace.

Somehow, they all fit.

Sonny, Rafael, and Elisa; like pieces of a puzzle.

Rafael melted into the feeling of Sonny’s lips pressed against his temple.

“I told you so,” Sonny said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know that Barba does not pick at his nails canonically. But, I do, and I may or may not have added that to Barba's character because of my own bad habits...


	3. Beginnings

“Welcome home, Elisa!”

They were standing in the doorway, Rafael, Sonny, and Elisa: the whole of their shiny, new, little family framed by smooth, shellacked wood and the flecks of dust filtering in and out of the hallway’s fluorescent lighting.

The impending steps across the threshold and into the vacant living room felt glaringly monumental, yet entirely insignificant in the same strain, Rafael thought.

His apartment had turned itself into a home the moment that Sonny had moved in with him, cardboard boxes full of Mets jerseys and an entirely ridiculous collection of rom-coms on VHS in tow.

But now, their comfortable, two bedroom, two bathroom apartment would be so much more than just he and Sonny’s home.

It would be a host to sleepovers, and princess-themed birthday parties, and late-night study sessions full of coffee and splotchy red ink.

The kitchen table, no longer just for six AM breakfast and sleepy-eyed starts into wakefulness, but keeper of homework time, and family dinners, and the feeling of a little hand clasped in his own during before-meal prayer.

The couch, no longer appropriate just for two bodies sitting side by side, but for chilly December cuddles wrapped up in woolen blankets; story time, tickle fights, final goodnight kisses; cries of, “Daddy, but I’m not tired yet!” before succumbing into the folds of sleep’s gentle embrace.

It would be refuge, a safe haven, a place where confused tears could be spilled and wiped away, a place for forehead kisses and strong hugs, a place where maybe her daddies couldn’t always put the pieces back together, but that she knew she would always be loved.

“Alright, baby girl, time to take a tour of your new home!”

And, apparently, it would also be the place where Sonny played eager tour guide for their _nine-month old_ daughter.

He hitched Elisa higher up on the perch of his bony hip and let the organic diaper bag slung over his shoulder clatter to the floor next to the coffee table.

Rafael would’ve decked him if it hadn’t been for Sonny’s face, his cheeks pink and glowing with the most delicious flush that Rafael had ever seen as he bounded down the hallway with Elisa in tow.

Instead, he focused on the matter at hand: retrieving the contents of the bag, shoving a handful of diapers (also organic) back into their rightful pouch, prying Elisa’s plastic, purple sippy cup out from in between the jaws of their sofa, grimacing as he caught sight of a dusting of cashew crumbs stuck to the cup’s lids.

There was only one person in their house whose favorite snack was cashews.

One person who was currently informing a _nine-month old_ about the importance of the color scheme and the ambiance which it created in the master bathroom.

God, Rafael loved him, messy eating habits and all.

He tossed the cup into the kitchen sink, to be washed later along with he and Sonny’s dishes from breakfast, grabbing the strap of the now-closed diaper bag and heading in the direction of his husband’s booming voice.

Luckily, he didn’t have to look far.

It seemed that the tour had arrived and stopped in its final, most significant destination: Elisa’s bedroom.

Sonny was planted in the center of the room, Elisa cradled tightly in his arms as he spoke.

“…and right there is your bed, angel. Your daddy and I, we went out and bought you an extra special, super soft, and cozy blanket since we know how much you like to be all cuddled up.”

He went from corner to corner, wall to wall, no space left unexplored as he pointed out each and every personalization they’d so painstakingly added to her room in the month since they’d first met.

Elisa’s name was now painted on the wall behind her crib, directly underneath Sonny’s wayward blossoms.

Rafael had to admit that it was the perfect spot.

In front of the crib, now sat the toy box – and yes, they had finally gotten around to putting it together.

Well, Sonny had, but still.

And of course, there was a stack of plastic, multicolored blocks at the toy box’s side.

The blocks had been the only toy that Rafael and Sonny had seen hold their daughter’s attention for more than three seconds at a time throughout the course of their follow-up visits.

No matter how many times she pieced together and solved the spectrum of colors, the process remained one which Elisa seemed to find of the utmost fascination.

And Rafael and Sonny?

Their intrigue with the little girl’s colorful ritual never once varied.

They could’ve observed Elisa watching paint dry on the nursery room’s walls during those visits, so long as it meant that they were spending more time with her.

Rafael set the diaper bag down in front of the open closet doors, strolling over to Sonny and giving his hip a gentle squeeze.

“You know you let that thing spill all over the floor, right?’

He met Sonny’s blue gaze accusingly as he ducked around and placed a kiss on Elisa’s warm cheek. She giggled and ran her tiny fingers across the skin, mystified by the momentary contact.

Sonny returned in kind, letting his own lips brush high across Rafael’s cheek bone. “Aww, and you picked it up for me? How sweet. Always knew I’d make a house-husband out of you.”

He tried so hard not to smile. He really did.

But he knew Sonny saw the upward quirk of his mouth, knew he saw the flash of glee in his eyes at being crowned a “house-husband”.

Rafael Barba-Carisi, executive assistant district attorney, a house-husband.

“You’re lucky we have enough diapers to last a nuclear war,” he quipped in an attempt to regain some semblance of dignity.

“Baby army, remember?”

Rafael hummed in assent, sweeping a thumb across Elisa’s cheek. She immediately nuzzled into the touch and Rafael all but melted.

“No,” he murmured; Elisa’s eyes were so very green. Her eyes were as green as Sonny’s were blue, and Rafael pictured himself getting submerged in their depths all the same.

“Not an army. Just enough for one.”

Sonny’s gaze transformed into something soft, something tender and warm that reminded Rafael of sun-kissed skin pressed against thrown-back sheets, and what it had felt like waking up to wiry forearms wrapped around his waist for the first time.

He kissed him on the lips.

Sonny’s cheeks were burning when he pulled back, the faintest hint of flush spreading down the smooth planes of his chest where the top button of his shirt was undone.

“Hey. No PDA in front of the baby.”

Sonny’s voice was hushed, low and choked, Staten Island accent thicker around his words in the way that Rafael had never imagined he’d love and miss when it wasn’t in his ear.

“She’s not even paying attention to us,” he pointed out.

It was true; Elisa’s eyes were trained firmly on her beloved pile of blocks. Rafael could almost see the gears turning in her tiny head, the imaginary re-arrangement of yellows and blues.

“Besides, it’s not public if we’re at home, dear. Didn’t they teach you anything at Fordham?”

He bit down on his tongue, a safeguard against the laugh itching to claw its way from behind the shelter of his throat.

He turned, abruptly, “It’s getting late, I’ll make dinner” thrown over his shoulder as he made his way out of the bedroom.

Rafael was up to his elbows in lukewarm, soapy water by the time he heard an indignant, “The ‘p’ could stand for private, too, ya know!” bouncing off of the hallway walls.

Rafael had never smirked harder in his life.

\---------------------------------------------

Forty-five minutes later and Rafael was halfway satisfied with the progress he’d made towards something resembling dinner.

He wasn’t nearly as skilled a cook as Sonny, the pasta bubbling feverishly and the simple, red sauce simmering on the opposite burner one of the more extravagant delicacies he’d tried his hand at preparing.

He glanced over the marble bar top, the sight of Sonny and Elisa sat on the living room floor, laughing, curled around each other one that made his fingers itch to crack open a celebratory bottle of wine, to toast Elisa’s homecoming.

The occasion certainly seemed to warrant it; it had been almost a year since the initial conversation that had brought Elisa into their life, and just now, finally, they had gotten her home.

After so many months full of hoping, and waiting, and late-night confessions dripping with fear and doubt, they finally had something tangible to hold onto.

Only three proven months of peaceful co-habitation and she would finally, officially, be theirs.

“Rafi! Rafi, come here, quick!”

The wooden ladle he’d been using to coax along the pasta sauce slipped and clattered into the depths of the pot, Rafael rounding the bar top in unease.

Oh God, had Elisa been hurt? Had she fallen, hit her head on the edge of the coffee table? He knew they should’ve gotten rid of it, should’ve left more open space for a baby to roam and explore. Were they going to lose her just as soon as they’d gotten her? Were they - ?

“Look, Rafi, she’s gonna walk! She’s totally gonna walk!”

Rafael froze behind the sofa, Sonny crouching low and a few feet back from where Elisa stood securely tethered to the coffee table, all ten dainty fingers gripping at its corner.

“C’mon, baby girl, walk to daddy! You can do it, c’mon!”

Sonny spread his arms wide in an offer; Elisa seemed to consider the gesture, glancing between her father and the reliable post which she clung to.

“Sonny, are you sure about this? She looks nervous, what if she falls?” Rafael asked anxiously.

“She’ll be fine, Rafi, you’ve seen how close she’s gotten the last couple of times we’ve been to visit her. She just needs a little encouragement.”

Sonny motioned once again at the safety of his chest. “You got this, Elisa. Walk to daddy. C’mon!”

The little girl took a step with her right, barefoot sinking into the fuzz of carpet.

She took another, one hand falling from its perch of glass and mahogany.

She took another, and another, and another, until she was freely toddling across the stretch of floor which separated her and Sonny.

And then she took another, and another, and another, all the way until she was peeking out from behind the arm of the sofa, clutching at the tan fabric of Rafael’s trousers for support.

Rafael looked at Sonny, who looked at him, while Elisa stared upwards, chin resting just below his knee, a smile puckering her round cheeks.

“Holy shit, Rafi.”

He leaned forward and gathered the little girl – Elisa, _his daughter_ – into his arms until she was bracketed firmly against him. He pressed his lips into her dark curls.

She trusted him, she felt safe with him, she knew he would catch her if she were to fall.

“Oh my god. Elisa. I’m so proud of you. You did it. You walked, princess.”

He felt her shrill giggles as he kissed her, her eyelashes, her nose, all the way down to his stomach, all the way down into the deepest part of him, the part of him that only one person had ever been brave enough to explore.

He locked eyes with Sonny across the sofa as Elisa nuzzled into the warmth of his shoulder.

Sonny was – Sonny was a vision.

Pink, beautiful cheeks, and the most gorgeous smile that Rafael had ever had the honor of calling his.

 _That_ smile, _that_ man, _their_ daughter, _their_ life – Rafael swore every time Sonny looked at him like that, that it signaled the start of some greater and grander new beginning.

He’d seen that look on their first date, and in so many seemingly insignificant moments before.

He’d seen that look after the first time that he’d told Sonny that he loved him.

He’d seen that look in the heat after they’d first made love, through tears when Rafael had proposed, when they’d officially been pronounced “husband and husband”, and now.

Sonny was responsible for all of his beginnings.

Sonny had written all of his new chapters, the ones that Rafael had been too afraid to commit to ink and paper, because hope wasn’t concrete, hope wasn’t permanent, hope couldn’t be held in your hands like the words of a novel; not until Sonny had written them, of course.

He closed the space between them and brought his lips to Sonny’s temple.

“Takeout for two?” he asked.

Sonny brushed his thumb across Elisa’s forehead, pushing thin, brown wisps of hair back from her eyelids.

“I think that Elisa’s new skill may have cost us our dinner.”

\---------------------------------------------

“You know, seeing you as a dad is just about the hottest thing in the world, Rafi.”

Rafael almost choked on the lo mien making its way down his throat. He shot Sonny a glare out of the corner of his eye and shoved his chopsticks into a container of rice.

“You’re kidding me, right?”

Sonny blushed something fierce, his eyes trained firmly on procuring a piece of sweet and sour chicken in between the ends of his chopsticks.

They’d been together four years, and Rafael’s monthly lessons in the fine art of chopsticks-handling had still managed to somehow go completely over his husband’s head.

“I mean, I dunno. It’s just – it’s attractive, alright? I’ve always had a thing for guys who can handle kids.” Sonny paused, glanced over at him nervously. “Well, particularly _you_ handling a kid.”

And then he bit his goddamn lip and Rafael wanted to strangle him and jump his bones all at once, because they’d _just_ put Elisa down for bed, and Sonny _knew_ that he was exhausted, because they’d literally spent an hour before their dinner had arrived walking Elisa up and down the building’s hallway, letting her test out her new little legs.

Before he had the chance to say any of that, however, he was getting pushed back into the couch cushion and Sonny was straddling him, effectively sitting in his lap.

“You’re ridiculous,” Rafael chuckled.

He tugged Sonny’s shirt out from where it was tucked securely into his slacks, let his hands run greedily up and down lanky sides and bare skin.

Sonny sighed into him and grabbed the back of his neck, fingers opening up and carding into the ends of freshly buzzed hair.

“It’s not just ‘cause it’s sexy as hell. Obviously,” Sonny started.

Rafael rolled his eyes.

 _Obviously_.

Like he was supposed to keep a mental catalogue of all of Sonny’s weird turn-ons in addition to the regular ones.

Sonny stuck his tongue out at him, but continued.

“It’s just, ya know, I love you. And I love our daughter. And seeing you with her, well…it makes me wanna be your husband even more, if that makes sense? Makes me wanna be _with you_ even more, ‘cause every time I see you hold her it hits me just exactly how friggin’ much I love you.”

Sonny rubbed their noses together affectionately.

Rafael was trying to remember how to breathe.

He leaned forward and fit his mouth around Sonny’s bottom lip, the one he loved to bite at and lick.

It never ceased to overwhelm him how perfectly Sonny’s lips seemed to fit into his mouth.

“What if Elisa wakes up?” he asked, hushed; his fingers came up to rest on Sonny’s biceps, large hands squeezing the wiry muscles, tongue licking slowly along those beautiful, plush, pink lips.

Sonny’s breath was hot when he answered: “That’s what baby monitors are for, Rafi.”

He swallowed the taste of Sonny’s laugh.

\---------------------------------------------

A crackling static tugged at Rafael’s ear from the cloudy haze of sleep.

He shifted, rolled over, Sonny’s hands dragging across his stomach and falling to the cocoon of milky sheets.

His fingers discovered plastic; the baby monitor, as indicated by the thrum of sound against his skin. He turned the dial until Elisa’s whimpers were as dull as the early-morning light casting striped shadows across he and Sonny’s tangled, bare legs.

He tried to pry his thigh free without disturbing the angel sleeping at his side; when his toes scraped against his pale calf, however, Sonny’s eyes were fluttering open, heavy-lidded and pale blue.

“Hey,” Rafael greeted.

He pushed Sonny’s mess of floppy, blonde hair up and back until his forehead was exposed.

“Go back to sleep, love. I’ll take care of Elisa.”

He held Sonny’s hair in place as he placed a kiss to his cool skin and Sonny drifted back off.

He threw on loose sweatpants and a t-shirt before trudging down the hall and half-awake into Elisa’s bedroom.

When he approached the crib, Elisa was standing up, peering out from between the ivory bars, emerald eyes illuminated by the soft, yellow glow of the stars dangling from her mobile.

“There’s my beautiful girl,” Rafael cooed, lifting her from the folds of downy blanket. She cuddled into him, and Rafael tickled her polka-dotted, onesie-covered foot.

Elisa shrieked at the brush of fingers and threw her tiny arms around Rafael’s neck, her head coming to rest against the side of his cheek.

He kissed her temple; her affection already reminded him so very much of Sonny.

He carried Elisa into the kitchen, deposited her into her high chair (purple, as so coordinated with the rest of her possessions), and stepped back, opening one of the top cupboards residing over the stove.

“Okay, Elisa.” He pulled out Tupperware containers of flour, baking powder, salt, and a package of baby oatmeal, laid them all out on the counter before turning to the refrigerator.

“You and I are going to make pancakes for daddy in order to make-up for last night’s dinner.”

Elisa watched as the wet ingredients were set in a row by the dry, face alight with wonder and intrigue.

He tossed her oatmeal into a bowl first along with a splash of milk, letting it heat in the microwave as he prepared the pancake mix and griddle for cooking.

By the time the microwave had ‘dinged’, signaling the completion of Elisa’s breakfast, Rafael had already set to work forming medium-sized rounds on the sizzling griddle.

“I know I might’ve been joking yesterday, but you really are scarily good at this whole ‘house-husband’ thing. Already got the baby up _and_ you’re making me breakfast? I must be living in a 1960’s sitcom.”

Sonny’s arms snaked themselves around his waist, mussed weekend-hair tickling above Rafael’s ear as his husband’s lips made contact with the exposed skin below his hairline.

Rafael smirked and placed a golden-brown pancake on one of three ceramic plates he’d set out for himself and Sonny.

“Good thing you’ve got me to learn from. It’ll be like night school all over again.”

Sonny bit his neck and Rafael chuckled, the sensation of teeth nipping at flesh one he relished and pushed towards.

“Here’s your first test: go feed Elisa this oatmeal while I finish the pancakes.”

Sonny snatched the bowl and plastic spoon from his outstretched hands and made a face which could only be described as one of utter offense before plopping down to the right of Elisa at the kitchen table.

“Good morning, sweet girl! I’m gonna feed you your breakfast and prove to your daddy that I already passed my dad certification, and that I don’t even need him to quit showing me up to prove it!”

Rafael honestly, right hand to God tried to focus on the pancakes.

But Sonny was making airplane noises, Elisa was giggling and bouncing in her high chair every time the spoon flew towards her open mouth, and Rafael had never wanted to stop time more than he did in their kitchen, on that still Sunday morning, with the lights still off and the sum of their family tousle-haired and clothed in pajamas.

He only ended up burning two pancakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know that Elisa took a little bit of a backseat this chapter. However, there is a reason for that. 
> 
> Ultimately, this is story about Rafael and Sonny and how their relationship evolves through the course of raising a child. Because of that, I wanted this chapter to be slightly more focused on them and the little moments that they have.
> 
> Thanks for reading guys!! <3


	4. Family

One tiny, index finger was held in Rafael’s left hand, the other in Sonny’s right; Elisa still hadn’t quite acquired the skill which long distances required, but they were more than happy to tread the winding path towards it at her side.

Rafael had kept a firm eye on her sneakered feet as their family continued to navigate the halls of the precinct, taking great care in ensuring that she never tripped over a stray shoelace, never slipped across the freshly polished tile flooring, that he absolutely would never let go.

Sonny, on the other hand, portrayed far more – albeit, woefully misplaced – confidence in their daughter’s current physical abilities than him, it seemed.

His husband was perfectly content with relaxing his grip on the little girl’s finger, letting his own hand fall further and further slack until Elisa inevitably groped for the missing link once more, reassuring her with a soft chuckle and whisper of, “I’m right here baby, don’t worry. Me and daddy won’t let you fall.”

At one point, he had even suggested to Rafael that they try _swinging_ her, to rely completely and confidently on a nine-month old’s grasp and trust, unequivocally, that she wouldn’t simply let go the moment they both lifted her from the safety of the ground.

However, after a glare from Rafael that Sonny had described on more than one occasion as, “the type of look you should save for cross-examinations and not your _husband_ , Rafi”, that idea had quickly become abolished.

And so they were left with a pink overall-ed and toddling Elisa between them, glancing around in wonder from her two-foot height at every new nook and cranny that they passed along their way.

“You’ve done such a good job walking today, angel,” Sonny said; Rafael didn’t miss the flicker of unabashed pride which circulated throughout the sentiment. “Just a couple more steps and then daddy’ll carry you and your little legs’ll get a break.”

He folded himself almost in half then, laying a small brush of fingertips across Elisa’s tummy, sending her into a fit of giggles.

The sound seemed to bounce from wall to beige wall, an un-orchestrated symphony of shrill notes which eventually settled within the open squad room doors.

“Is there…is there a _baby_ out there?”

Rafael had never heard Rollins’ voice so thoroughly thick with confusion.

He looked over to Sonny, who was looking down at their daughter, bottom lip in between two teeth as he braced himself against laughter. “Shh, Elisa! You were supposed to be a surprise!” he stage-whispered.

Laughter erupted from Rafael’s chest, burst from behind his breastbone and from in between his ribs.

Sonny was beaming at him as their family finally stepped under the fluorescent lighting of the squad room.

It was early, seven-thirty in the morning to be exact; an hour in which they both knew only the most dedicated and sleep-deprived detectives would be found, hunched over their desks with the day’s second cup of coffee at their side.

Namely, Benson, Rollins, Dodds, and Fin.

It was clear from their positioning – Rollins, sat at her desk, Benson hunched over the open laptop in front of the other woman, Dodds and Fin sprawled out in front of them at Sonny’s currently unoccupied desk – that they’d been discussing a case.

But now, Rollins was wide-eyed, Dodds appeared unsurprised at best, Fin was grinning mischievously, and Benson was making her way towards them, all previous discussion of witness statements and a late disclosure succinctly interrupted.

“What are you two – you _three_ doing here?” she exclaimed, brown eyes darting accusingly between Rafael and Sonny before settling on Elisa. “It’s supposed to be your last day off with this gorgeous girl!”

She sounded, Rafael thought, eerily like his mother had the night before, when he’d spoken to her on the phone in between putting Elisa down for a nap and preparing dinner: _‘Don’t tell me you’re going back to work on Tuesday! You and Sonny need to spend more time with my granddaughter, she’s been home barely a month! And how do you even know she’s going to like the nanny you picked out, I’ll bet she cries the minute you leave – ‘._

Luckily, Olivia Benson at least smiled, _unlike_ his mother.

Sonny chuckled and hoisted Elisa up by her waist until she was resting comfortably on his hip. Rafael wound an arm around his narrow back, pulling the two closer into his side as they stood, a family, united before the entire squad.

“Yeah, well, we wanted to stop by, introduce Elisa to the rest of her new family,” Sonny said, gesturing towards the gathered detectives.

“We visited Sonny’s parents last night and we’re meeting my mother for dinner later,” Rafael explained.

“Yeah, and this was _supposed_ to be a surprise until Elisa had to go and ruin it with her cute, little laugh.”

Sonny rubbed Elisa’s nose with his own, then, a familiar comfort for the little girl; he had taken it upon himself to teach their daughter the importance of an unannounced and affectionate Eskimo kiss almost a week prior.

Not that Elisa needed any assistance when it came to aimless displays of unbridled affection.

She had already begun to respond in kind with Eskimo kisses of her own, the first instance being only the morning after Sonny had given her an inaugural one before bed.

They had all been at the kitchen table, Sonny drinking coffee, Rafael attempting to do the same while simultaneously spooning oatmeal into Elisa’s waiting mouth.

He had set the bowl down and quickly reached for a sip from the steaming mug beside him when he’d heard, in between gulps, “Uh, Rafi. I think our daughter wants to give you something.”

When Rafael had turned back around, confusion etched into the thin lines above his brow, he was met with the sight of Elisa leaning over the front of her purple high chair, chin and nose jutted forward expectantly.

Her green eyes had been wide and waiting as Sonny said, quietly, “I think she wants to give you a kiss.”

Rafael had leaned forward, without hesitation, had moved until his nose had almost met the tip of Elisa’s; had waited, chest tight, for her impending response.

And she had placed a hand on his cheek, still-fresh, baby-soft skin meeting his weekend stubble.

And she had brushed her tiny nose back and forth across his own, and Sonny had been audibly sniffling from the opposite end of the table, but Rafael hadn’t looked at him, hadn’t even gone back to his coffee, because he’d been too lost in his daughter’s heart and green eyes to care.

So, when Elisa now grabbed Sonny’s face, returned his kiss just as soon as he’d pulled away, and Rollins let out a quick and hushed “Aww!”, Rafael could only nod his head in agreement at the sentiment, still undeniably affected by Elisa’s little displays.

And, truth be told, a little affected by his husband, as well.

Because Sonny looked so happy, so obviously _proud_ of their little family as they stood in front of their colleagues and friends, taking the hand that Rafael had glued to his waist and bringing it to his lips, kissing his wedding band.

It still managed to tug at the farthest edges of Rafael’s heart, how eager Sonny was to show him off, to touch him, even now, after their love had long been solidified by vows and a set of engraved rings.

Sonny kept their fingers interlaced as he brought Rafael’s hand back down, blue eyes trained firmly on his features.

“Barba, would you find a way to justifiably murder me if I told you just how disgustingly adorable y’all look right now?”

Rollins was smirking, but her eyes and the soft set of her lips spoke to the true feelings she was harboring at seeing her best friend attain the family he’d always so desperately wanted.

A sharp side-eye shut the cackling duo of Dodds and Fin down.

Rafael hummed, “I’ll allow it, detective, but only because we _are_ in the presence of my daughter. I can’t have her seeing my true colors quite yet.”

Sonny frowned in his, ‘ _that-joke-wasn’t-funny-at-all-Rafi_ ’ way, but any retaliation he was expecting from the other man was cut short by Liv’s enthusiastic proclamation of, “Okay, well, go ahead and get us acquainted with the newest member of the team!”

Dodds and Fin quickly repositioned themselves at another, nearby desk, allowing Sonny to reclaim the seat at his, Elisa perched in his lap, while Rafael pulled a chair around to relax at his family’s side.

“Alright, well, everybody: this is Elisa Rosalie Barba-Carisi. She’s about to be ten-months old, and she’s me and Rafi’s little girl!”

Thank God for their friends and the fact that they were past the point of – _visibly_ – reacting to his nickname.

And, well, there was no way in hell that Rafael could be mad at Sonny for using the expression, not right now.

Because Sonny was positively glowing as he kissed Elisa’s hair and said, “Elisa, is this your new family.”

He started at the far left, pointing first to Liv: “That’s Auntie Liv. She’s got a little boy, named Noah, who’s a few years older than you. And then, of course, she’s married to Uncle Ed. He’s not here right now, ‘cause he’s a police officer somewhere else, so you’ll have to meet him later.”

Next, was Rollins: “And this is Auntie Amanda. She’s got a little girl, just like you! Her name is Jessie, and she’s super excited to meet you and play with you. She’s already told me that you guys are gonna be best friends.”

After, he gestured to Dodds: “Next is Uncle Mike. He’s married to Auntie Alice. Auntie Alice is actually pregnant right now, so pretty soon they’ll have a baby just like you, Elisa!”

And finally, there was Fin: “And last, but certainly not least, is your Uncle Fin. He’s like, the _coolest_ guy you’re ever gonna meet, Elisa. Well, besides me and your daddy, of course.”

Fin chuckled, gaze filled with mirth as he said, “We’ll have to set her up with Ken and Alejandro’s little boy. Get another little Special Victims romance going.”

“Absolutely not. You are not setting our daughter up before she’s even been potty trained, detective,” Rafael scoffed.

“Awe, c’mon, Barba! It’ll be like you and Carisi: they meet, then flirt for a stupid amount of time, fall madly in _love_ ,” Rollins added quickly, southern charm dripping from her tongue like honey.

“Alright, alright, alright,” Sonny laughed. His thumb was rubbing uneven circles across each individual ridge of Rafael’s knuckles; maybe his death grip on Sonny’s knee hadn’t gone _quite_ unnoticed.

“Jeez, you guys are gonna give Rafi an aneurysm or something.”

He turned his attention back to Elisa, back to the little girl who was impatiently fiddling with the buttons on his shirt.

“The point being, Elisa, that these people, right here? They’re gonna love you and protect you, just the same way that me and daddy already do.”

Sonny pecked at her nose, brought a hand up to brush back a stray, brown wisp that had fallen from the confines of the clip holding her bangs in place.

Rafael loved them both so much.

“We will, Carisi,” Liv said softly. “She’s one of our own now.”

“Yeah,” Dodds readily agreed, echoing his lieutenant’s sentiment. “We’ll have to set up a play date once my Rebecca is born since they’ll be so close in age.”

Sonny nodded eagerly and Rafael readily concurred: “Seems reasonable, as you seem like the only one so far _not_ intent on corrupting her.”

The room burst into laughter, laughter that seemed to fill every minute crack in the floor, every chip of paint in the off-white walls.

Elisa was giggling too, eyes floating back and forth between her two, smiling dads as Sonny’s chest reverberated against her body.

Once the room had fallen silent, save for the perpetual electric buzz of the light fixtures hanging above them, Sonny leapt from his chair and preceded to deposit Elisa into Rafael’s unsuspecting arms.

“Oh, hey, you guys wanna see some pictures of Elisa?”

It wasn’t a question, Rafael knew; Sonny was already pulling his phone from the back pocket of his jeans, unlocking it and navigating the electronic until he located the album he’s dedicated entirely to Elisa’s escapades.

“I got the most adorable pictures of her at the park! We actually got her to go on a swing!”

Sonny shoved his phone under a startled Amanda’s nose, Dodds and Fin gathering at her shoulders for a look.

“Oh, wait, I got one from last Sunday, too. Rafi put her in the most gorgeous, little, white dress for church. Like, I’m not even being biased when I say, for a fact, that she was clearly the cutest kid in the entire place.”

Rafael shook his head, took each of Elisa’s hands into his grasp before brushing his lips against her plump cheek.

He loved Sonny so much, oversharing ways and all.

Suddenly, Liv was occupying the space beside him, lips quirked up at the corners in the tell-tale beginnings of a smile.

“She’s beautiful, Rafael,” she stated simply.

He nodded, looked down at the treasure in his lap.

The unexpected, wonderful, miracle whose head was laid over the curve of his stomach, fingers tracing purposefully along the individual patterns of his tie.

He knew she loved the colors, the intermixing shades of blue, the intricate lines and curves that met at random, various points to form the paisley design; he had worn it for her, after all.

“Isn’t she?” he breathed.

Benson smiled, fully now. “She looks so much like you, it’s hard to believe she’s not biologically yours. The green eyes, the dark hair. She even has _freckles on her nose_.”

Rafael knew this much was true, of course; he’d brushed that brown hair and styled it just that morning, watched those green eyes open sleepily from the confines of her crib, kissed that smattering of freckles as he’d pulled her from her cocoon of blankets and into his chest.

He recognized another, more evident truth, too.

“Her heart, though. It’s all Sonny.”

“You should give yourself some credit,” Benson stated firmly. “You honestly believe, that with how much you love this little one, you won’t have any influence over her at all?”

Rafael shrugged, busying himself with the ends of Elisa’s hair.

“I guess I’m _hoping_ more than anything that she’ll turn out like him,” he answered, eyes flickering over to Sonny, babbling now having returned excitedly to the vivid account of Elisa’s first time at the park.

“You know, _good_. I want her to be good like him.”

“She will be. And she’ll be good like you, too.”

Liv laid a hand on his shoulder, gave it a reassuring squeeze. She looked down at Elisa then, whose eyes were still planted firmly on Rafael’s colorful attire.

“It’s intense, you know? How much you love them even though that biological component isn’t there. How you know, from the second you hold them in your arms, that you’ll do anything and everything for them. That you’ll protect them, and fight all of their battles for them, and make sure that the world’s a little less scary than it was before they came into it.”

Olivia brought an index finger down to tickle at the top of Elisa’s hand.

She didn’t tense away from the touch.

“It’s not even a decision you make. You just know.”

Latching on to Olivia’s finger, Elisa’s hand finally left the fabric of Rafael’s shirt.

It was the fastest he’d ever seen her warm up to someone, himself and Sonny included.

Olivia Benson, Elisa whisperer.

“You know, you and Sonny make a great team,” she pointed out in his continued silence.

“My life wouldn’t be what it is without him.”

If he was going to say something, it would at least be that.

Because Olivia knew, probably better than anyone, the unquestionable truth that was his statement.

He knew he wouldn’t have happiness without Sonny, wouldn’t have the kind of all-consuming joy that he had found within Sonny Carisi’s laugh and strong, yet delicate embrace.

He knew he wouldn’t have love without Sonny, wouldn’t have the kind of all-consuming tenderness that he had found in Sonny Carisi’s whispers of “I love you” when they laid together, limbs tangled, Sonny’s sweaty forehead pressed to his own after they made love.

He wouldn’t have a _family_ without Sonny, wouldn’t have the kind of all-consuming belief instilled in him that he had found contained in the depths of Sonny Carisi’s blue, blue eyes.

“I know, Rafael. I do hope you realize, though, that he never would’ve let you miss out on this.”

Before he had a chance to register the significance of Liv’s words, however, Sonny was ambling towards him.

“Shit, Rafi, we gotta go! We’re supposed to meet the nanny, remember? Get Elisa and her all acquainted before tomorrow?”

He squeezed Olivia’s hand as he stood, cradling Elisa against him with the opposite arm; it was a silent ‘thank you’, but he knew it would be enough.

As they headed for the exit, Sonny bid Elisa’s ‘goodbyes’ for her: “Bye Auntie Liv, bye Auntie Amanda! Bye Uncle Mike, bye Uncle Fin! I’ll see you soon!”

Rafael waved his parting next, a discreet and concise nod thrown at the knowing twinkle in Olivia’s eyes.

Sonny grabbed his hand as their family took their leave.

He caught one last murmur from Fin as they stepped back into the dimly lit hallway: “Man, Barba and Carisi, _married_ , and with _a kid_ together. Who ever woulda thought?”

Certainly not Rafael.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed the squad's introduction to little Elisa!!
> 
> Oh, and yeah, Dodds isn't dead in my universe. Oops.
> 
> Leave comments below because I am thirsty af!!


	5. Ours

“What if they say no, Rafi? What if they decide that we don’t get to keep her?”

Rafael’s fingers froze in the dark, knotted tendrils of Elisa’s hair, now long and curling around the nape of her neck and behind her ears, because Sonny refused to allow him to trim it until she’d had her first birthday; something about a Carisi family tradition, a tradition much like the seventy-five _other_ Carisi family traditions that Rafael only ever pretended to understand and tolerated at best.

_‘Yes, but love, she’s a Barba-Carisi,’_ he’d said, one morning when it had been early enough for the skylight in their kitchen to reflect the amber glow of skyscrapers surrounding their apartment building, illuminating the freshly polished bar top and Elisa’s emerald eyes.

Sonny had shrugged noncommittally; Elisa had giggled, the swooping lilt of her laughter seeming to give away that she knew their trivial back-and-forth was entirely focused on her.

Then, she’d managed to shove four slivers of pancake – a new, exciting delicacy with which the appearance of three, shiny new baby teeth allowed her to feast on – into her open mouth.

It was an effective end to a conversation if Rafael had ever seen one.

He’d been trying to braid her hair (unsuccessfully, because there were far too many uneven strands for the style to work properly), when Sonny had spoken up.

When Sonny had looked at him, and said those words.

When those words had rebounded off of an armor of tailored slacks and a fitted button-up, because those words weren’t in Rafael’s realm of possibility.

Those words didn’t fit together: _‘don’t’_ , and _‘keep’_ , and _‘her’_.

Saying those three words together was the equivalent of trying to recite the alphabet backwards: unnatural, abnormal, and perverse even in the simple attempt.

Saying those three words together was _incorrect_.

Sonny was still looking at him.

Sonny’s hand was on the knee that Elisa wasn’t currently occupying, Sonny’s bony knuckles were an unnaturally stark white, Sonny’s nails were digging in to the lower edge of Rafael’s knee cap, and Sonny looked as though he actually _believed_ what he’d just said.

As if there were two people better fit for the little girl, presently sat on his lap, toying with the lavender fabric of his tie, than them.

He took Sonny’s hand and traced a long, slow, and deep circle into the underside of his palm; brought Sonny’s hand to his lips and kissed the invisible outline at its completion.

Rafael held Sonny’s hand there, against his mouth, Sonny’s smooth skin warm underneath the prominent slope of his nose.

“You’re an idiot,” he breathed.

Sonny narrowed his eyes until they were impressively slit; he’d had a master teacher, Rafael thought proudly.

“That’s not funny, Raf – “.

“I’m not trying to be funny. But if you _truly_ think that there are two people out there who could possibly love _our_ daughter even half as much as either of us do, then you really are an utter moron.”

_‘Our daughter’_.

It was a purposeful phrase.

Not _‘this little girl’_ , not _‘Elisa’_ , not any other variation of what they’d taken to referring to her as over the last five months.

_‘Our daughter’_.

Because those two words were correct.

Maybe those two words weren’t official, not yet. Maybe those words hadn’t been put down in print, hadn’t been notarized and catalogued, tucked away in the adoption agency’s “success stories” filing cabinet.

Maybe those two words weren’t definite, not yet.

But at the very least, they were correct.

Rafael pulled Sonny in by the wrist until they were pressed as close together as they could be without elbowing Elisa in the process.

His hand immediately went to Sonny’s waist – that narrow, skinny, little waist that Rafael practically worshipped.

That narrow, skinny, little waist whose sides his lips had ran the length of just the previous night.

Rafael couldn’t count the number of times that an “I love you” had been whispered, breathy and low, into that waist.

He pulled until he was kissing Sonny, hard.

“I love you,” he said into his husband’s mouth.

“But you’re seriously going to give yourself a stroke from all of this stress, and you’re only thirty-four, love. ‘Best dads ever, remember?’. Or does that statement only apply when you’re the one doling out the emotional support?”

Sonny chuckled, shifted back until Rafael could view that his own, cheeky grin was reflected fully on Sonny’s pink lips.

“I know, I know,” he said, covering Rafael’s hand with his own, entirely, completely; squeezing, as if their simple skin-to-skin contact was where his strength was solely stored and harbored. “It’s just – God, Rafi. I love her so much.”

“Yes, I know. We both do. And that’s why – “.

A small tug at the end of his tie cut the latter half of Rafael’s consolations short.

And then, suddenly, there was Elisa, scooching across his lap, shoving herself wholeheartedly into the empty space between their chests.

Chin jutted forward, green eyes almost hilariously wide, nose poised perfectly in the air.

Just as her daddy had so painstakingly taught her.

A clear offering.

For Sonny, and Sonny only.

She knew.

Rafael had realized, only two weeks in to raising Elisa full-time, that their daughter was scarily perceptive for someone not even yet out of diapers.

She knew, every time either one of them was nervous, or anxious, or tilting towards the frayed edges of exhaustion.

In those moments, her condolences were offered quickly and succinctly; in the form of finger squeezes, tiny arms wrapped around necks, and feather-light brushes of lips against cheeks, because she hadn’t quite grasped how to grant proper kisses yet.

Eskimo kisses being the exception, of course.

And with Elisa’s nose still lingering mere inches from his, Sonny laughed, and _finally_ , Rafael saw the pieces of him come together.

Blue eyes alight, crinkled at the corners in the way that made Rafael’s chest hurt, cheeks rounded and puckered with the deep dimples that held the entirety of Rafael’s heart.

Sonny cupped her pink cheeks, soft skin filling up the large expanse of his palms.

He rubbed their noses together, and Elisa’s hands, her _little_ hands which they’d taught the intricacies of patty-cake to just hours earlier underneath the shaded shelter of an oak, came to lay flat on top of Sonny’s, her fingers barely finding purchase in between Sonny’s larger ones.

Rafael loved him.

Rafael loved their daughter.

It was the easiest thing that he’d ever felt.

Elisa pulled back, and, as their kiss came to a close, returned to nuzzling her cocoon that was his belly and neck.

Sonny was looking at him again.

This time, though, Sonny was looking at him like it was the easiest thing that he’d ever felt, too.

“Judge Koch will now see the Barba-Carisi family, please.”

They both stood abruptly to face the tall, willowy secretary posted at the entrance leading to the judge’s chambers; Sonny, fidgeting with the sleeves of his Henley, Rafael, jostling Elisa until she was resting securely on a hip.

Sonny grabbed his hand.

\---------------------------------------------

“You’re the Barba-Carisi’s I’m assuming?”

Rafael nodded and cautiously approached the judge’s desk, letting Sonny’s hand fall freely from his own just long enough to embrace her offered hand in a firm greeting.

“I’m EADA Rafael Barba-Carisi, this is my husband, Dominick Carisi, Jr.,” he started; Sonny gave a timid smile and took the judge’s hand in greeting, then clutched desperately at Rafael’s wrist once his own introduction was through.

“And this is our daugh – this is Elisa. This is our Elisa.”

Presumptuous.

His foolish confidence had allowed his mouth to ruin quicker than his mind.

Judge Koch didn’t seem to notice – or at least, pretended not to, going by the glint Rafael saw captured momentarily in the upper corners of her brown eyes.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you both. _Especially_ you, Elisa. Now please, have a seat,” she gestured towards the two, empty chairs residing in front of her heavy, wooden desk, reclaiming her own seat as she spoke.

“Now, I’ve been reading over the paperwork that the adoption agency has collected over the last few months – home inspection reports, health and wellness check-ins – all of the mundane, but necessary information for this process, as I’m sure you both know.”

Rafael’s grip around Elisa’s waist tightened as her fingers found the silk texture of his tie once more.

He stepped on Sonny’s foot to end his nervous tapping.

Sonny didn’t make a peep.

“And, I’ve got to tell you – the agency has quite a lot to say about you two.”

Rafael hadn’t thought it was possible for his heart to pound so crushingly against his ribs.

“Actually, it might be more effective if I read to you the entirety of their final report.”

Judge Koch reached for the topmost paper on a stack almost five inches tall, peering at them over the brim of a pair of navy blue reading glasses.

Rafael didn’t think that Sonny’s hand could be more tightly wrapped in his own than it was in that moment.

“’To whom it may concern,’” she started.

“’We here at the Spence-Chapin Adoption Agency have been working diligently alongside the Barba-Carisi family as they have strived to work through the long, and often tedious process of officially adopting a Baby Doe placed in our services almost one year ago.’”

“’We here at the Spence-Chapin Adoption Agency, after careful review of any and all reports as so put together by Ms. Jennifer Mead, believe that there are no two more qualified people for the position of adoptive parents to the Baby Doe than Misters Barba-Carisi.’”

“’Despite the demanding nature of each of their respective professions, Misters Barba-Carisi have successfully created a home environment for the Baby Doe that is one of the utmost care and security, a factor that we consider to be of top priority here at Spence-Chapin.’”

“’While we know that this decision cannot simply be made on our recommendation and word alone, we strongly encourage that whoever this verdict may fall to err on the side of Misters Barba-Carisi. We believe that, in their care, the Baby Doe will only continue to thrive.’”

“’In full agreement with Ms. Mead’s observations, we here at Spence-Chapin believe that the potential, official adoption of the Baby Doe into the Barba-Carisi family is a prospective choice that will be made in the absolute, best interest of the child.’”

Rafael turned to face Sonny.

His husband looked so overwhelmed, looked as though he was trying so, _so_ hard to hold it together, and Rafael thought that the tears shining in Sonny’s beautiful, blue eyes were only a mere reflection of what he was feeling, bursting warm and in rapid waves across his chest.

“Did…did they really say all that stuff? About us? The whole, ‘best interest of the child’ thing and…and, ‘no two more qualified people’ and all that?”

Rafael wanted to kiss the bewildered expression on Sonny’s face; let his mouth say, _“Yes. Yes. We did this, together. You and me. We did this. This is ours. All ours.”_

The judge smiled, warmly, and simply nodded; once, twice.

It was the simplest mode of confirmation, yet it was all that he and Sonny needed.

“Well, I see no need to further entertain the hypothetical nature of his conversation,” Judge Koch said. “Do you both agree to raise this child as your own, and to raise her no differently than you would a biological child?”

“Yes.”

“Do you both agree to raise this child as your lawful child?”

“Yes.”

Their eyes never strayed from each other as they answered.

_Yes. Yes. We did this, together. You and me. We did this. This is ours. All ours._

“It won’t be official until processing resumes on Monday, but, I am going to sign off on the paperwork. Mr. and Mr. Barba-Carisi, I hear by grant you full, parental rights over the Baby Doe, now officially recognized in the eyes of the law as Elisa Rosalie Barba-Carisi.”

Sonny was crying.

Sonny was crying, and Rafael wanted to hold him, and he wanted to cry, too, because _they had done this_ , this was theirs now, together, this was their family now, officially, forever, and Elisa was now Elisa Rosalie Barba-Carisi, officially, in the “eyes of the law”, but they were still in the judge’s chambers, and he wanted to have this moment between them, privately, when it was only their little family of three.

Rafael got up quickly, sure to keep Elisa hugged snugly to his chest as he grabbed the judge’s hand, this time in indulgent thanks.

“Thank you, thank you, Judge Koch, for entrusting us with this. We won’t let her down.”

“I’m sure you won’t. I don’t make decisions like this lightly. I wouldn’t have signed off on the adoption if I were anything less than certain about your absolute commitment to raising this little girl,” she stated firmly.

Sonny said his thanks next, muttered and through tears.

And then they were in the hallway, no longer in the judge’s chambers, they were outside, alone, _together_ , and the overwhelming, crushing weight of Sonny’s long arms so strong and unwaveringly solid around him was the only thing that mattered.

The overwhelming, crushing weight of Sonny’s lips sucking sweet and desperate kisses from his mouth was the only thing that mattered.

This feeling.

This feeling of staggering warmth that made it feel as though the sun had risen in the empty space between each of Rafael’s ribs.

He never felt empty, not anymore.

He hadn’t felt empty in almost four years.

Because of him, and now her.

Sonny and Elisa.

The only things that mattered.

“Rafael, are you…are you crying?”

The answer was obvious, as Sonny was currently brushing tears from his cheeks with the smooth pads of his thumbs, fingers almost as gentle as the lull of his voice had been.

The reason wasn’t so obvious, though, Rafael knew.

“Happy,” he rasped, throat still closed from his earlier, vain attempts at staving off the hot well of emotion that had been burning there, at the back of his tongue, since Judge Koch had said the phrase, “full parental rights.”

“I’m just so happy.”

“I love you,” Sonny said. “Always.”

He turned to Elisa, brushed her wispy brunette hair back from her forehead, caressed her cheek: “And I love you, too. You’re ours now. Always.”

Elisa nuzzled his hand.

“Dada.”

She knew.

Sonny’s eyes were so wide as their gazes locked, fresh tears threatening to spill over and onto his cheeks, and Rafael already had a new set streaming down his face, because she _knew_.

Sonny placed his lips on Elisa’s forehead, stayed there as he spoke.

“Yes, Elisa, I’m your daddy. Always.”

She turned to face Rafael, Sonny’s lips gliding across her skin as she went.

He felt her hand come to his cheek, just like that morning at breakfast, over oatmeal and coffee, three months ago.

“Dada.”

She knew.

The arms around him tightened, even more so, until the complete sum of his surroundings was entirely and wholly Sonny and Elisa.

Their smiles, their eyes, their noses, their cheeks, their hair.

His husband and daughter.

The only things that mattered.

“I love you both, so much. This right here. This is my world. You two. Always,” Sonny whispered.

Sonny and Elisa.

The only things that mattered.

\---------------------------------------------

“Uncle Sonny! Uncle Sonny!”

Only the child of Amanda Rollins could simultaneously bear hug and almost tackle a six-foot, grown man to the ground in one, single motion, Rafael thought.

He watched, smirking from behind the safety of the bar top as Sonny attempted to disentangle himself from the five-year-old’s persistent hold around his legs.

Rollins strolled across the remaining span of the entryway, retrieving the offered glass of champagne from Rafael’s hand as she approached his perch in the kitchen, seemingly content as well to play patron to the wrestling match unfolding in he and Sonny’s living room.

“ _Come on_ , Uncle Sonny! Where’s my new, baby cousin!? I really, really wanna meet her! Oh my goodness, Uncle Sonny, can I please play with her? Pretty please? Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please!?”

Jessie was now, _literally_ , hanging off of Sonny by his legs, her chin digging into the flesh just above his knee as she stared up at her favorite uncle, looking for all the world as though he had personally accosted her by not having her new, baby cousin waiting and ready to greet her the very second that she’d walked through their door.

“Okay, okay, Jessie just – just hold on a minute, jeez.”

After two more minutes of hilarious struggling, Sonny finally managed to free himself of the little girl’s iron grasp, chuckling as he bent down to her level, amusement written clearly across the planes of his face.

“Your new cousin is still _sleeping_ , Jessie, because me and Uncle Rafael put her down for a nap just about an hour before you and your mommy got here. I’ll go try to wake her up, though, okay? While I go do that, why don’t you get out some of her toys? They’re in the box over there,” Sonny pointed to Elisa’s toy box, now in its permanent residence next to the coffee table rather than at the head of Elisa’s crib.

The toy box had been moved there rather quickly, only within a week of bringing Elisa home; they’d discovered, in that brief period of cohabitation, that Elisa didn’t like to play where her daddies weren’t easily accessible.

Seemingly appeased for the time being, Jessie nodded and turned her attack to the aforementioned toy box, while Sonny retreated with an exasperated exhale in the direction of Elisa’s bedroom.

“Someone’s excited,” Rafael observed, chuckling.

Rollins nodded readily: “We all are. You and Carisi, you guys really deserve this.”

Before Rafael could formulate the proper response to such an emotional declaration, Rollins was rummaging around in her handbag, producing a small, obviously Jessie-wrapped lump from its depths.

The quizzical arch of an eyebrow must have given him away: “This is a party, isn’t it? You bring presents to parties, Barba.”

She shoved the misshapen package into his hands before he had the chance to politely decline.

“You should go ahead and open it. You and Carisi’ll probably appreciate it more than the little one does.”

He had no inkling of what could possibly lie within the confines of the multicolored paper; rather than question Rollins anymore on the matter, however, he simply began to pull back the ridiculously long pieces of tape covering the gift’s wrapping.

Inside, underneath the pastel pink and pale yellow “It’s a Girl!” paper, was a small, baby-sized, purple, plastic gavel.

Rafael looked up to see Rollins grinning mischievously.

“You know, so that she can object whenever Carisi tries to feed her one of those weird vegetable dishes he’s always whipping up,” she explained.

It was such an intimately personal gesture that Rafael almost felt an intruder to it, despite the fact that it had been bestowed upon him.

This bright, purple, plastic, children’s gavel, represented everything that had brought he and Sonny to where they were now.

Sonny’s obsession with the law, Rafael’s position as an ADA, Sonny’s subsequent attempts to learn the law from him (to which he still insisted to this day was absolutely _not just_ flirting).

All of those moments that had led Rafael to realize that Sonny wasn’t some annoyingly, overeager kid, but a bright, and brilliant, and disarmingly kind young man, who wore his heart like an open book on his sleeve.

All of those moments that had led Rafael to realize, plainly, that he loved Sonny, more than he’d ever loved anyone or anything.

“And now, presenting to you, Miss Jessie Rollins, the newest member of the family: Elisa Rosalie Barba-Carisi!”

In a matter of point-two seconds, Jessie was turned around, sharp as a whip, the pile of crayons she’d been busying herself with discarded across the cream carpeting.

She watched, blue eyes fierce, as Sonny approached, lowering himself down to the floor with Elisa tucked safely to his chest.

The moment that Elisa’s bottom hit the floor, Jessie was ambling across the carpet to meet her halfway, before Sonny had even had the opportunity to recite the, “How to Play with Elisa Safely” speech he’d so meticulously prepared.

“Hi, Elisa,” she cooed. “I’m your cousin, Jessie. Me and you are gonna be bestest friends! Here, you wanna play with one of your blocks? Your daddy told me that you really love your blocks!”

She thrust her right hand forward, a green block placed perfectly in the center of her palm in gentle offering.

Elisa snatched the toy immediately, crawling from the shelter of Sonny’s lap until she’d reached the remainder of her precious blocks, scattered aimlessly at Jessie’s side.

“She’s beautiful, Uncle Sonny,” Jessie observed quietly.

“But,” an expression of absolute puzzlement crossed her pale features, a question crinkling her freckled nose.

“Why does she only look like Uncle Rafael? Shouldn’t she look like you too? Mommy said that you both birthed her.”

Sonny’s head spun around to throw a glare – and if a glare could be sweet, Sonny’s was the sweetest, Rafael thought – in Rollins’ direction: “Really, Rollins? Jessie, that’s not how it works – “.

“But that’s what mommy said!”

“Yeah, well, your mommy didn’t tell you the whole tru – “.

“It’s okay, Uncle Sonny.” – and then Jessie patted his knee in sympathetic condolence and Rollins _lost it_ – “Maybe she’ll grow up and be really tall, and then she’ll look like you too!”

Rafael smirked into his sip of champagne.

“You live and breathe to make his life difficult, don’t you?”

Mock offense laced itself throughout her words as she answered: “I am honestly offended that you think that, Barba. I’ll have you know that I live and breathe to get leftovers out of him, as well.”

Rafael snorted before he could stop himself, as it was undeniably true – Sonny had been forcing whatever leftovers remained of the traditional Italian fare that he cooked every Sunday evening on Rollins since before he and Sonny had even started dating.

Because Sonny was the type of man who refused to allow his friends to live off of cheap, Thai take-out, despite their most adamant protests.

Because Sonny was a good man.

Because Sonny was the type of man to sit, gladly, with a five-year-old and patiently explain to them the ins-and-outs and intricacies of the adoption process.

Sonny was the _best_ man.

Sonny was the man that Rafael had fallen for, hard, and that he was still stumbling dumbly over each day that they woke up in the same bed, in between the same sheets.

And somehow, Sonny had fallen for him, too.

Rafael was far from the best man, far from a _good_ man, far from Sonny’s best _choice_ , he knew.

But somehow, Sonny had still chosen him to hold his heart.

Sonny had trusted him from the very first day.

He glanced over to Rollins, who was fidgeting absentmindedly with the hem of her blouse in his extended silence.

“You know,” he began quietly. “I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned to you how much it’s meant to me that you’ve stuck by Sonny’s side through all of this. Even after how you felt about him.”

Rollins smiled, a breath of a laugh ghosting just past her lips.

“Honestly, Barba? I should’ve known.”

He furrowed his brows at the ambiguity of her words.

“I think I was just looking for something to fill that void, you know? Someone else to be there for Jessie just as much as I was,” she clarified. “And he was always willing and he was always _there_.”

“But I never loved him. At least, not like that. I never felt anything for him that could even hold a candle to what you two have with each other.”

He laid a hand on her forearm, squeezed.

It was the least guarded he’d ever seen Rollins; he felt that it was of absolute necessity that he reciprocate.

She shook her head.

“As I said, I should’ve known, Barba. He was head over heels for you the first time he saw you walk into the precinct. Back when he had that god awful mustache, remember? And I should’ve known. He always looked at you like you hung the moon in the sky.”

She finished off the remainder of her champagne with a playful smack of lips.

“And things are beginning to look up in that department, anyways,” she added coyly. “I actually have a date tomorrow night.”

Rafael hummed in curiosity, eagerly refilling each of their glasses with a helping of amber liquid before asking, “And may I inquire on whom the lucky suitor is?”

A shrill shriek erupting from the living room interrupted whatever gossip Rafael was about to be privy to.

Immediately, his eyes fell to Elisa, in search of tears, or pain, or any other immediate identifier of stress; he found, however, a picture of his daughter bouncing happily away in his husband’s lap, a barely-contained grin threatening to spill over and fill out Sonny’s cheeks.

Jessie, was peering over the edge of the couch, sandy blonde hair falling into her face as she winced apologetically.

“Sorry Mommy and Uncle Rafael! I tickled Elisa and, well…I guess she really liked it!”

“It’s okay, Jessie,” he reassured her, smiling. “You can make Elisa laugh as much as you want. I don’t mind it.”

As Jessie bounded off of the sofa and reclaimed her rightful position on the floor, he glanced once again at Sonny and Elisa.

Sonny, kissing Elisa’s hair.

Elisa, tiny hands wrapped firmly around each of Sonny’s spindly index fingers.

Rafael had found a place to rest within them.

He hoped one day Amanda would find the same.

“It’s with one of the moms from Jessie’s Girl Scouts troop,” Rollins finished belatedly.

Rafael turned to her, sat across from him at the bar top, worrying her lower lip.

His glass was at the ready.

“To a successful first date.”

Rollins’ smile was blinding as the brims of their glasses met.

\---------------------------------------------

Alone.

Finally.

Four hours and two additional glasses of champagne later, and finally, Sonny was the only thing.

He kissed his chest, lips finding the spot directly above the open collar of his button-up; his pale skin an invitation if Rafael had ever seen one.

“You’re sure Elisa’s asleep, love?”

He dragged his lips an inch lower, working a button lazily undone as he went, kissing softly.

His fingers were taut, digging into his husband’s shoulder blades as Sonny sighed against his mouth.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m sure.”

It was hoarse, murmured; Rafael pulled until his forehead and nose were pressed as flat against Sonny’s flesh as his mouth already was.

“Good.”

Another button, another kiss, this time on top of ribs.

“Tonight, it’s just you and me. Like it’s always been.”

His trail hit just below Sonny’s sternum, lips tender as he licked along the curve of a rib; the final, bottom button resting just above his belt buckle coming slowly undone all the while.

Once he’d reached Sonny’s belly, he stayed, peppering an array of smooth kisses across the flat, flushed planes of his stomach, lips never losing contact with his beloved’s skin.

Sonny’s hands flew to the back of his neck, long fingers tangling upwards into dark hair.

“You’re so beautiful, Sonny,” he whispered, words hot and breathed into a heaving chest. “You’re beautiful and you’re mine. Always all mine.”

\---------------------------------------------

Their skin was slick with a shiny, glistening, sheen of sweat, but Rafael couldn’t bring himself to suggest that they take a shower; not when Sonny’s body was curled so exquisitely around him, every curve of arms and legs a matching set.

Not when Sonny was tucked into his neck, laying the gentlest path of kisses at the back of his ear and along the length of his jaw.

He stopped, propped himself up on a knobby elbow.

He looked so smitten as he took Rafael’s face in his hands.

Rafael’s heart felt as though it were pounding directly against the wall of his chest.

“I love you so much, Rafi.”

Rafael leaned forward until he could peck chastely at Sonny’s dimples.

Happy.

Sonny was happy.

Sonny was always happy when he was with him, Rafael had realized long ago.

“I love you too, Sonny. I love you with every single part of me.”

Sonny smiled, wider, somehow, and then he captured his lips and Rafael could’ve sworn that his whole body had been set on fire.

Even now, Sonny could kiss him, and it would feel like a brand new promise of, ‘always, together’ every time.

Sonny’s fingers danced absentmindedly along the slope of his collarbone, the other hand caressing feather-light across stubble and cheek.

“I don’t tell you enough how much you’ve done for me, Rafi.”

He trailed his own hands up and down the length of Sonny’s spine, fingertips brushing over wiry muscle and the sharp, jut of bone; down and back up, encouraging his husband with touch rather than gentle words.

“I mean, I said a lot of it, in my vows, at our wedding. But that was almost two years ago. And adopting Elisa, and going through this whole process with you it’s – it’s made me remember a lot of things.”

“Like how much you helped me, when I first came out to my family. How brave and strong you made me feel. How you told me it would be okay, because we loved each other. And that they would understand, _because_ we loved each other.”

“And when you sat next to me, at my parent’s kitchen table, when I told them? That meant so much to me, Rafael. You had your hand on my knee the whole time, you remember that? I was so nervous that my whole leg was shaking. And then you put your hand on my knee and it calmed me down. ‘Cause then I remembered that you were there, beside me, always loving me. And that was the only thing that mattered.”

“Even if my parents had ended up hating me, I never would’ve given this up. I had made my decision, before we even got to their house that night, that it would be worth it. Because even then, even if they hated me, I would always have you.”

“But they were happy for me. For _us_. And then you asked me to marry you and it kinda just felt like my whole world fell into place in a way that I never thought it could.”

“I mean, I knew from the very first day that we were gonna last. But it felt different after you proposed, you know? More official, somehow. Like you were promising me that we were always gonna be happy, together. And that we were always gonna be brave, together. And that it was always gonna be you and me, together.”

“I started thinking about our wedding the other day, too. Rollins had to throw a paper ball at me just so that I’d actually concentrate on the paperwork that we were supposed to be doing.”

“But I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Couldn’t stop thinking about how it felt, the first time that I saw you. How it felt, when I saw you all decked out to the nines in your fancy suit while I was just in a stupid button-up and that pair of black slacks, but you still looked at me like I was perfect. How I remember thinking that I must’ve been the luckiest guy in the world, to be marrying someone like you. Someone as intelligent, and kind-hearted, and ambitious, and…and _beautiful_ as you. How lucky I was that someone like you chose someone like me.”

“And then I started thinking about what my dad said, in his speech, at the reception afterwards. How he said that he couldn’t imagine a better person for his son than you. He didn’t even say ‘man’. He just said ‘person’. Singular. One and only.”

“And now, two years later, and we have a beautiful, baby girl together. I have a husband and a daughter. And it’s all because of you, Rafi. You gave this to me.”

“I never thought that my life would end up like this, not until I found you. I thought I was gonna spend my entire life hiding from myself. But you made me so brave, Rafi. Just by promising to always love me, you made me brave.”

“And every day that I wake up and see you next to me, you remind me to be brave. You remind me that I can be a good husband, and a good father, and a good man. That I can do anything, just as long as you’re there doing it with me.”

Sonny was quiet then, smiling still.

Smitten.

In love.

But none of that was true.

Sonny had to know that.

Sonny had to know that Rafael couldn’t possibly have done all of those things for him.

Because Sonny had done all of those things for Rafael.

Sonny had made Rafael brave, had made him unafraid to be happy.

Sonny had given Rafael himself, first, and then he’d given him Elisa, too.

Sonny had given Rafael what would eventually equate to a lifetime of happiness.

Sonny had to know that.

Right?

“Quit shaking your head, Rafi. You don’t have to believe me, just…just know that it’s true. When you shake your head it’s like you’re telling me that I’m lying or something.”

He stroked Sonny’s cheek; his beautiful, pink cheek, that was still dimpled, because Sonny was happy.

Always happy.

With him.

“I love you so much, Sonny. You know that you did that for me too, right? All of it?”

Sonny chuckled, leaned farther against Rafael until their foreheads were pressed together.

“I love you, too, Rafi. And I know. You kinda make it a point to tell me at least once every two weeks.”

And then Sonny was laughing, still half sprawled on top of him, forehead still pushed up against his own, and Rafael knew that he would never need anything more than this.

He and Sonny, lying in bed, laughing, in love, tangled together, while their daughter slept safely just two doors down.

Nothing could be better than this.

“We’re going to have such a beautiful life together, Sonny.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there you have it folks! The last chapter of this little story.
> 
> I cannot tell each and every one of you enough how much the response that this story has gotten has meant to me. All of your likes, your kudos, your reblogs, your comments, and your headcanons have far surpassed what I ever dreamed of this story achieving.
> 
> I hope that this chapter has done the whole of this story justice. As always, so much love went into it's writing.
> 
> Leave comments below and let me know what you think. <3


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